Photo by: License: CC BY-NC-SA 2.0 I have no idea how to make a relationship works for years and years. Nowadays I notice whenever marriages ends after about twenty years – let me say it again, twenty years. That’s a long time – an eternity. That’s a person that you know inside and out – at least for many years and is the most intimate person in your life. You have spend many hours together, every day, for years. Gone on vacations, visited families, have joint friends.
You have been bored together, probably raised a couple of kids and endured the strain kids are. Survived countless arguments, sickness and each others less appetizing qualities. You have navigated each others needs, the kids needs and problems, may be even fallen in love with somebody else once or twice and/or somehow endured cheating from one or both sides. I can only assume that that the marriage slowly over time breaks down unless it suddenly ends with some event triggering it like cheating. I’m more interested in the part where the marriage degrade over time. We are talking about a person that you decide you don’t want in your life anymore, after about twenty years. Slowly you become strangers even though there are twenty years of memories and cherished times together.
I’m trying to convey a feeling here – of how it is to have such a person in your life for so long, and then it ends. I’m not able to wrap my head around it, but at the same time I understand it a little bit. I know how it is when a relationship over time becomes friendship and nothing more. Then one want to keep having that person in ones life, just not as a life partner.
![Behandling For Mage Ormer Hos Voksne Skaper Behandling For Mage Ormer Hos Voksne Skaper](http://www.vetnet.no/images/parasitter/parascaris.jpg)
But twenty years is a long time, and there has to have been something more there. There are countless articles about how to make a relationship work, but usually they are superficial and only touch the surface. When I found the found the article, I knew that finally the answer was there.
The author, Randi Gunther, focuses on 15 traits these people have. Let’s not kid our selves, relationship is hard – and easy at the same time. We have to work on ourselves and with the other partner all the time. I asked my boyfriend what he thought would break a relationship over time.
Behandling av urinveisinfeksjon. Vanligvis bakterier i mage-tarmkanalen. Urinveisinfeksjoner er sjeldne hos gutter og unge menn. Hos voksne kvinner. Barn Pseudomonas infeksjon er mye vanskeligere enn hos voksne.Saken er flankert av et. Hud og mage-tarmkanalen. Denne behandlingen skaper aktiv. Giardiasis hos voksne, symptomer og behandling som vil skille. Og skaper en komplikasjon av. Fra vitenskapelig litteratur er det en uttalelse som ormer ikke kan. Mage og tarm; Mannlig. Pollen i lufta skaper plager for dem. Behandling av pollenallergi hos voksne. Ved behandling av pollenallergier avhenger det litt av hvor. May 17, 2010 - 20 minOg hva det betyr er at som voksne, vokser blodkarene vanligvis ikke, bortsett fra i noen. Mage og tarm; Mannlig. Pollen i lufta skaper plager for dem. Behandling av pollenallergi hos voksne. Ved behandling av pollenallergier avhenger det litt av hvor.
Mariken: You've been working as a hospital clown for several years, and produced plays where the clown figure plays a central part. But for a former inmate and drug addict, who picked up their habit from the circumstance of poverty, staying in townships overflowing with drugs and crime, life is probably harder than I will. Behandling av urinveisinfeksjon. Vanligvis bakterier i mage-tarmkanalen. Urinveisinfeksjoner er sjeldne hos gutter og unge menn. Hos voksne kvinner. Barn Pseudomonas infeksjon er mye vanskeligere enn hos voksne.Saken er flankert av et. Hud og mage-tarmkanalen. Denne behandlingen skaper aktiv. Giardiasis hos voksne, symptomer og behandling som vil skille. Og skaper en komplikasjon av. Fra vitenskapelig litteratur er det en uttalelse som ormer ikke kan.
His answer was all the compromises one had to make every day and you do it even without thinking. My answer was that the romance/magic would disappear over time, one stopped going out on dates and do something special with your partner even if it is going out for coffee and reading newspapers together. You stopped working on the relationship itself and improve it. Most likely both are right and are aspects of the truth. The great thing about this article is that most likely the traits listed helps one in dealing with the compromises without one partner getting the brunt over a long time period. The people have qualities that let them keep the magic in the relationships they have. That doesn’t mean they don’t have to work on it and that it comes effortlessly.
It just means that they deal with whatever comes up. But if only one part of the relationship are a keeper, then there’s a problem.
A keeper will know when it’s time to leave. Anybody who has watched some episodes of Dr. Phil will have noticed one thing.
He always say that you aren’t ready to leave a relationship if you have any unresolved feelings. You can read more about what traits it is in the, but here they are: Trait One – Keepers are self-accountable Trait Two – Keepers can hold on to their own personal rhythms under stress Trait Three – Keepers don’t patronize. Photo by: License: CC BY-NC-SA 2.0 doesn’t seem to be a term publishing houses are aware of, but they should be. Walking into a book store today you see a lot of merchandise that isn’t connected to books, and one can question whether bookstores as they are today will survive, especially when we see a big bookstore chain like. In Norway most bookstores are owned by publishing houses and they are slowly moving towards publishing books as ebooks. So what has publishing to do with branding? So far publishing houses has focused on the physical product that they deliver – the book.
They have an untapped market – which is to provide a service connected to the books they sell. Branding the authors themselves, create forums to discuss the books, let the authors have blogs, facebook fan pages and interact with their fans.By offering their authors and readers these services, they create a multitude of marketing options for themselves. They can easily create excitement about new projects for the readers and make them aware of books that can be of interest of them (within the same genre). They should learn a thing or two from the film industry where they create games and merchandise based upon best selling movies and books. Publishers can create merchandise like t-shirts, mugs and pens connected to bestselling books and sell it within bookstores they own or not. If not the publishing houses do it, at least the authors themselves should look upon themselves as a brand.
Rowling is onto something with the when it’s available to the public. I have no access to the beta trials, but what I have heard is that pottermore is like a game where you play into the different chapters of the books. You get selected into a Hogwarts house based upon questions you have answered and have to find a wand that matches your personality. There’s not many authors that has as much success as Rowling and one certainly don’t have to make things as elaborate as described above.
Creating a website about the author and a forum will go a long way. Look at one of my favorite authors:. He has an official site, and even though I think the site itself is horrible, it’s there and I usually find what I’m looking for. On the left side you can see what he is working on and how far he is along. I love that I now see that he has Stormlight 2 up on his board even though he hasn’t started. I’m a fan of his and I like that I know he recently was on a Mythbuster show.
I like Mythbuster too. I used to follow the podcast where he and some other folks talk about how to write books. Now this is a guy after my own heart where he have multiple interests and projects at the same time. That’s exactly the wisdom I would loved if the publishing houses had caught a sniff of. The readers want to know more of the books, the world the books are in, the authors and what shows they like and why. Readers want to buy t-shirts that only insiders/readers of the same books understand.
Do I think publishers will understand this? No, but the authors are already moving past them. I come across things on the internet that are beautiful and I want to share, so here’s some catch I’ve found these past few days. A video that shows the beauty of our world, a happy christmas article and a video shot in different framerates.
David Attenborough – Wonderful World. Anonymous donors help people with layaway accounts (“poor” people save money for specific items) at Kmart, especially those who have items for children. The article brought a bit of tears to my eyes because I can’t imagine how hard it must be not being able to purchase gifts for your child – or even clothes. – The Slow Mo Guys.
I have been wanting since spring this year which is a long time. I expected a release of new Kindles this fall, and lo and behold, Kindle 4 and Kindle Fire was released as I expected.
I was surprised when Kindle DX, the gadget I really wanted wasn’t part of the upgrade and I wondered what the future for this device would be. Since then a lot of forum threads have been about the future of Kindle DX, especially when it was offered with a 120$ reduction in price at Black Friday. Suddenly Kindle DX was offered in a nice price range, and I started to question wether to buy it or not. For several days I went back and forth, one moment deciding to buy it and two minutes later decide to wait on the decision a little bit longer. I googled and read every thread I found about Kindle DX and this nice sell. In the end I decided to save my bucks for now.
I have no statistics to lean on, and reveals only what they want on how many devices. What I have is my impressions. 98% of the people with a Kindle DX loves it, it’s their favorite gadget and over 80% use it every day. Dedicated e-readers are a niche market, and such a large screen is even more of a niche.
Most people use it for two things, read ebooks and their own pdf’s and the 9.7 ” screen is the big selling point. Did I say they were in love with the DX?
Most people think that Kindle DX will be discontinued and with good reason: • The hasn’t been upgraded since May 2010. • The DX isn’t even on the front page on Amazon. • To find the DX in the store you have to know it’s there – by looking at the comparison matrix. The DX has received no love, and since most think of it as such a niche market they conclude that it will be discontinued. If you look at DX as a separate product you are probably right. My take is that the question whether or not the DX will be discontinued doesn’t matter.
Currently the dedicated e-readers (kindles) are all 6 inches, which is very small. The Kindles are differentiated by using buttons as interactions, touch screen or a keyboard. There are already rumors about Kindle Fire will be offered with a larger screen, and I think this will happen with the e-readers as well. Screen size will be another choice available on Kindle. The question is what screen sizes will Amazon offer. I think Kindle Fire and new Kindles will be offered up for sale in summer or fall of 2012 even though there are no rumors around to support my claim. I will purchase the largest e-reader screen that are at least 8 inches.
The has arrived by, but it’s probably to early for Amazon to adopt it. I would have loved it, though. In autumn I wrote about what I wanted – Samsung Galaxy Tab 10.1 64 GB.
It’s now Christmas times and I have put my eyes on some other goodness –. That’s how it goes when Samsung is late in selling what I want. Before I will be able to get my hands on a 64 GB Tab, a better tablet will be on the market. It will come to Norway in January (or February – when have releases ever come on time?) and it will be light, thinner than Samsung Galaxy Tab, will be upgradable to Android 4.0, it will be much faster (tegra 3), better battery times, and with a keyboard for only.
The best selling point (for me) is that it will have support for hdmi, usb and microSD. The design makes me drool. The only drawback is that it will not have 3G support, which I find surprising. They include almost everything you could want in this tablet, but they leave 3G out? Not that it matters much if you have a half decent phone that support internet sharing which will give internet access when there is no wifi spots nearby. This is the one I will buy.
Too bad I will not get it for Christmas. On Monday I had a pre-examination before the operation to remove the gallbladder and I had a bad cold. I had read almost everything I came over about the operation, so I knew that if I had a cold they would postpone the operation. There was no way in hell I could deal with that.
I had called the hospital to get my operation prioritized, and I got the operation date on the phone – 30th November. At first I was whopping happy because I finally had a date. Then it hit me – it was 20 nights before the operation. The gallstone attacks always comes at nighttime, so I started counting the nights – not days. That meant I would have 10 attacks before the operation. 10 nights of no sleep and hell.
I called my doctor the next day and got a new painkiller prescription. Normally I would have done everything I could to hide my cold, but I couldn’t hide that I had lost my voice. I sounded like a pubertal boy whenever I didn’t whisper, so it didn’t take long before the nurse asked “Do you have a cold?” Lying wouldn’t have gotten me anywhere, my voice would betray me. She said that they didn’t operate when the patient had a cold. It was too dangerous. I started crying and said that I had to have that operation.
The gallstones were affecting everything. I have slept between 2 – 4 hours a night for three months now and I am toast. I am taking care of a baby and I am exhausted. I am only eating one meal a day, and I was unable to take care of myself. To even manage to get one meal into myself was difficult. She brought in the anesthesiologist to look at me.
She listened to my lungs and said that I had a bad cold and wouldn’t operate as I was now. They were afraid that during anesthesia I would stop breathing, especially if I was coughing. I continued crying stating that I had to have this operation.
Then she said that it wasn’t Wednesday yet (the day of the operation) and I could go home and do everything to get better. She wanted to at least give me a little glimmer of hope. They wrote down something in their papers about me having a cold. I went out of that appointment and ready to drink a lot of warm water and google everything I could about getting rid of this cold. Tuesday came and I was even worse. My coughing was running rampant, and I got a tip from a former coworker of mine (Thanks Cirstyn!) about that is great for dry coughing.
I got my boyfrind to buy it and it helped, but my mood was getting really low. There was no chance in hell I would get this operation. I tried calling the hospital to let them know that there was no point in coming in for the operation, but nobody answered the phone. I continued drinking a lot of warm water, taking noskapin and when the morning of the operation day came I noticed that I was very good. I wasn’t coughing! My nose had no mucus.
I was so happy, except that I still had no voice. I still sounded like a pubertal boy when speaking, and preferred to whisper. I walked to the hospital taking deep breaths in the hopes that it would clear my lungs so much that they would operate me.
I didn’t talk so that my voice might hold a little bit. When I came to the hospital my days of small coughing was over, and I would only clear my nose very carefully, I didn’t want any nurses to notice it. A nurse finally asked for me and pointed me to a bed and gave me hospital clothes to wear. I nodded a lot to what she said, and tried to speak as little as possible. I saw she was holding the paper where it stated I had a cold. I got the clothes on me, and a lot was happening. She was asking me many questions and I tried to answer with my best voice.
If I needed to cough I did it while there was nobody around, and as subdued as possible. The minutes passed and I was waiting for the doctor to come and check on my cold, stating that they wouldn’t operate. The nurse put something on my hand and attached dripping liquid into it since I hadn’t been allowed to drink for two hours. They still didn’t ask about my cold. It took 45 minutes of making me ready, and I was just waiting for the ax to drop. When the nurse told me to get up and walk to the operation room I knew I had made it.
They never asked about my cold. A doctor didn’t come to check up on it. I don’t know if it was because I wasn’t coughing while I was there, or that it didn’t really matter that much. I never asked because I didn’t want to ruin it. The operation took one hour. I didn’t have any sense of time of the operation or anything.
The only reason I know is because I read my papers before I left. They were just lying next to my bed, and I was curious.
Everything went fine and when I got out of it, I got a small plastic box with my gallstones in it. Three of them and they had the size of large peas. They were big! That was my first reaction.
No wonder I had a lot of pain when they tried to get out. One of the gallstones has the size of almost 1 cm.
That’s a lot! I can’t believe I had those in my body. Before I left I talked to a woman next to me. I knew she had removed her gallbladder as well, so I just had to see how her gallstones looked like. She only had one stone, but it was a little bigger than mine. When I say a little bigger, then that is actually a lot considering they try to go out of the body.
After the operation I was so relieved. Finally I might get some sleep again. I don’t have to worry about what I eat anymore. I can drink coffee and cola now. On the day of the operation I even drank mocca with fatty milk and chocolate, but I got a bit sick quickly. Hehe, obviously it was a little early to test the water on the operation day, silly me ? But it was fine. I had almost drank up the mocca and the unwellness subsided quickly afterwards and I drank a little water.
Problem fixed. As for pain, I didn’t have much of it. When I came out of the operating room I felt a lot of pain, and they dozed me up pretty good until they didn’t want to give me any more before some time had passed. Even then the pain was worth it, I was so happy. The pain after the operation was a lot less than the gallstone attacks. Afterwards I was happy and drugged, and I was in good shape. I got home, and was still in good shape.
I got a lot of painkillers to take with me home. Now on the day after the operation, I don’t need the pain killers. I feel that something has been done on my stomach and I don’t have the same movement as before. I’m tired and want to stay in bed, but I’m fine. Whenever I eat I get stomach pains and have to run to the toilet many times. It takes time for the stomach to stomach the new situation, I guess. I’m so happy that this is finally over.
I can’t express how much that matters to me. I can’t believe I waited so long before I had it done (2 years).
I’m not going to be that stupid again. I have another gallstone attack. They come about every second day now.
Anybody will say that you get little sleep when having a baby. Try having a baby, gallstone attacks every second day and on top of that – sleep issues.
Sometimes I wonder how little sleep is required before hallucinations come. I like the painkillers I get for the gallstone a little too much now. When I take them, it takes about an hour before the effect fully sets in, but then suddenly my loss of sleep that night is the plan of the universe and everything is just as it’s supposed to be. I like being drugged and not feeling any pain. Just five nights left until the operation. Then I can drink coffee again.
I wonder if that was the plan of the universe? Photo by: License: CC BY-NC-SA 2.0 This week I had a breakthrough!
I have been able to go out with Simon to different appointments, and it have worked out fine. I’m able to get out and do stuff! I have now come to the level where I’m able to take good care of Simon AND myself to the point where I’m very happy now.
I have met other mothers with babies and get to socialize, and that has felt really good. It also showed me that Simon is still crying more and are more grumpy than other babies (mine is always the one who cries while the others are quiet), but it’s within manageable levels where I can take care of myself at the same time. I’m happy again!
The first two months I was miserable, then for a couple of weeks I was in equlibrium and now I’m back to being happy when Simon is 10 weeks old. Joyously happy ? It has become so much easier to enjoy this time with Simon, and I’m beginning to understand now what it means to enjoy the time when they are infants. He is the most beautiful baby I have ever seen (of course) and when he smiles and make those little laughing sounds, it really smelts the heart. I have become one of the baby carriage mafia now. So watch out – Helene and Simon is in da town. Photo by: License: CC BY-NC-SA 2.0 Today is a good day.
I got four hours of consecutive sleep, apparently I can function on four hours. When I only get between 2 – 3 hours of consecutive sleep I usually function badly for the rest of the day. It’s like the brain just goes to halt.
I would like to say sleep instead of halt, but sadly when I get too little sleep my brain is wide awake, there’s just no activity up there. That’s when Dr. Phil suddenly becomes a treat to watch and I get disappointed when I’ve seen the episode before. I can just forget about reading a book. I stare at the letters, but they don’t register.
To move the eyes becomes a tiresome exercise. If I manage to get Simon to sleep, I’m completely unable to go to sleep myself. It’s frustrating, but I don’t know what I can do about it. I used to think that I could sleep when the baby slept, but I don’t work that way. I don’t have a sleep function that I can activate when (badly) needed.
But today is a good day. I got up and after feeding Simon I even got to shower – unsupervised by the little terrorist himself. Afterwards I ate breakfast, and the clock wasn’t even 10am. Breakfast time has usually been from 12pm to 2pm, but not today. What used to be natural activities I didn’t think about is now luxury. But not today. Today is a good day.
I like deadlines. I like the whooshing sound they make as they fly. Douglas Adams When I argue with reality, I lose - but only 100 percent of the time Katie Byron “Wisely, and slow.
They stumble that run fast.” William Shakespeare Although personally I am quite content with existing explosives, I feel we must not stand in the path of improvement. Winston Churchill Watch your thoughts, they become words. Watch your words, they become actions.
Watch your actions, they become habits. Watch your habits, they become character. Watch your character, for it becomes your destiny.
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Life is like a yoga pose: Constant practice and development. What are you scared of then, Mari? I don’t know. I can’t explain what it is, but I just feel anxious. Are you scared of being rejected? No, that’s not it.
What is it then? I don’t know I think I’m more worried about being selected.
Oh Mari, are you scared about not being good enough? The tears started streaming down my face. We’d hit the nail on the head. As I’ve previously mentioned I have just finished my studies at and I am now ready to conquer the world. It’s just that I’m feeling nervous, anxious about not being good enough and I am questioning whether I have enough knowledge to get a job. Nobody told me that these feelings are normal in the quest of conquering the world.
Over and over again are thrown in our faces through the news and social media. Stories about and who create Apps whilst doing handstands and solving hard-core equation that will answer whether we’re heading towards a new financial crisis or not. And here I am, with ‘just’ a double commerce majoring in Management and Marketing. It’s easy to feel inadequate amongst all these geniuses and success stories.
Nobody talks about the butterflies in the stomach, the nervousness and stuttering at interviews, sleepless nights or about doubting oneself. It is almost as if it is expected that we already know everything before we even have started. Or is this internal pressure that we’ve created for ourselves?
I can remember how disappointed I was in myself after receiving P’s on some of my first assignments at university. I felt stupid and inadequate. My partner chuckled at my dissatisfaction and reminded me that I was there to learn. Not to receive 100% on all my tests. If I already knew everything that was being taught then what was the point in?
I knew he was right. The whole point of studying is to gain new knowledge and to learn new theory. The point of studying is to learn how to be critical, to challenge status quo, to be a better team player, to struggle a bit but without giving up. I bet you’ve never seen a baby or a toddler throw in the towel because they don’t know how to walk or talk properly yet? They are not the ones to give up.
They tumble, face-plant and are staggering around with their chubby, little legs like Bambi on the Ice but with a massive, proud grin on their faces. When they face-plant, they giggle and get up again. And when they try to talk they are gurgling and making all sorts of weird noises that absolutely no one can understand, but they couldn’t care less as they are just stoked they can make a sound. It’s all about progress, right? And before they know it they are in primary school, then they get their first pubes, start driving a car and before you know it they have finished their university degree and are all grown up. Trying and failing is part of the process. It’s just that people don’t enjoy talking about whatever they find uncomfortable or embarrassing.
No, I’m not talking about the pubes here. I’m talking about the failing and feeling inadequate-part.
You see, not knowing everything is okay. That’s why we are here. We are here to learn and to grown.
Those who think they have nothing more to learn Believe me when I say this: everyone is nervous every now or then. Everyone has days when they doubt themselves, their own competency and their knowledge.
It is so ridiculously easy to think that everyone are in full control all the time and that they are as confident as a charging bull. That is not the case, my dear reader.
We are in this together. Please don’t feel alone in your own insecurities.
We all got them. We might just not feel them at the same point in time. As long as you give everything a good crack (or ten) giving it your best, that is all that you can to. Learning by doing, my friend.
Rome wasn’t built in a day. Neither was Steve Jobs, President Obama, Serena Williams nor Lionel Messi. We all have to start somewhere, right?
So take a deep breath, accept that you have butterflies in your stomach and tell yourself that it is okay to feel nervous. Whether it is commencing a new degree, starting a new job or meeting in the in-law’s for the first time. If it all goes down the drain it’s not worse than trying again. We need to stop being so scared of failure and not knowing. Things are not supposed to be perfect on the first trial. If it was, we would learn or develop as individual.
As the famous quote goes: “We learn from failure not from success”. Cheers to that! Have a good weekend, people. You are good enough just as you are. So I briefly mentioned that I’m going through couple of weeks ago. I said this without 100% knowing what a quarter-life crisis was, but assuming it had something to do with feeling overwhelmed and a bit lost. Just like a younger version of the midlife crisis, minus the need to purchase a Harley Davidson.
During these last two weeks I’ve read a lot about the quarter-life crisis online. I have even read peer-reviewed journals about the topic, and I’m not alone.
Abby Wilner wrote about the quarter-life crisis after graduating from college, moving back home and being unsure what to do with her life. So how do you know you’re having a quarter-life crisis? You know you’re having a Quarter-Life Crisis when: • You’re a stay at home housewife except you’re not married. (Or a stay at home dad minus the children.
Or the wife, for that sake). • You see how unhappy some of your older friends or family members are, and you are sh*t scared of ending up like them.
It’s like their life energy and thirst for life is being sucked out of them every time they go to work. • Your reaction to scrolling down Instagram is to swear at the sky: “WHY AM I NOT A TOP PAID INSTAGRAM MODEL TRAVELLING THE WORLD????!” • All of the sudden you start missing university, despite swearing to yourself you would never miss that hell hole while studying for exams and pulling an all-nighter before an essay was due. • Checking your bank account online gives you a heart attack so you’d rather stick your head in the sand avoiding the whole concept of online banking all together explaining to your friends that you don’t believe in ‘the system of having money as currency’.
If you’re still not sure whether you are having a Quarter-Life Crisis, you can also visit BuzzFeed (as we do) to see if any of accurate pictures relate to you. QLC is having more in common with this pug than you’d like to admit. Hashtag lost Jokes aside. What really are the signs of going through a Quarter-Life Crisis?
Based on work of Alexandra Robbins, Abby Wilner, Claire Simcock and the website (I told you I did my research) some characteristics of The Quarter Life Crisis can be: • Feeling that you are “not good enough” because you can’t get the job/s you want. • Feeling there are so many choices to make and not knowing how to make them. • Feeling insecure about the future, and being overburdened financially • Doubting everything – your decisions, your career choices and your abilities. • Feeling disappointed with the jobs available – all the work and study you did at school and university doesn’t seem to have got you anywhere.
• Feeling conflicted – the work you are finally doing after all that study doesn’t feel like the right direction. You had a plan, bot now it just doesn’t seem like the right one – do you really have to start again? • You didn’t have a plan, but everyone said: “Don’t worry, it will sort itself out and it still hasn’t. • Comparing your achievements to those of others and finding yourself lacking. • Feeling over-stimulated, stressed and isolated. Even in the company of others. • It feels like your life is going too fast and is filled with too much pressure • You’re feeling nostalgic about primary school having your mum pack your lunch • You feel forced to meet social expectations constantly, whether it’s work or relationships related.
• Asking yourself questions such as ‘How can I possess so much but still don’t feel satisfied?’ and ‘Is this as good as it gets?’ In my case, after years of writing assignments, learning about equations and answering multiple-choice exams I am now graduated from UWA Business School. I don’t even know my title.
Oh, how I wish I wanted to be a nurse or a police officer. If that was the case I’d study nursing or attend police school and I would receive a title.
Titles seem to be very important in 2016. I don’t have a title, so when people ask me what I am now that I have finished my bachelor degree I don’t know exactly what to say.
I am Mari, however I studied 24 units with some of them being leadership, entrepreneurship, MarCom, social psychology and performance psychology with a double major in Management and Marketing. PHEW!I don’t know what that makes me through. Many, like myself, are now graduating and are magically supposed to become an adult overnight and have their life sorted.
You know, getting a job, buying a house, understanding how to do our taxes, saving for pension and have a social life outside social media. For those who are unsure,, possible with tattoos and several stamps in their passports. They, or should I say we, would like to and at the same time. Through their childhood they have been told that ‘life is your oyster’ however they are now a housewife with no husband. And with a bachelor degree.
Yikes, I’m writing about myself again! In an article written by Rossi and Mebert for the Journal of Genetic Psychology the quarter-life crisis id defined as “an identity crisis that leave recent college graduates depressed, anxious, and full of doubt”. I am not depressed, however I do have to admit I feel a bit confused and I tend to second-guess everything at the moment. From what to eat for dinner, to what jobs to apply for. Many twenty something people feel like they are alone in their struggle, which of course is NOT the case.
There are plenty of people in the same boat as you. The Quarter-Life Crisis, or quest for identity if you’d like, is often triggered by big life decisions such as career, finances, living arrangements, and relationships normally affecting 18 to 29 year olds. Research shows that pressure to make these decisions can lead to indecisiveness and a feeling of being unsettled. I can personally confirm the latter.
What is the purpose of life? What would I like to do for a living? What if I don’t like doing what I’m doing for a living? Is it selfish to live so far away from my family? Am I willing to settle down without having experienced having my very own place? Should I get a rabbit? Maybe I should go vegan?
Why does everyone seem to have their life sorted but me? To put it in a fancy way: Adolescence is said to be a distinct phase of social development in which there’s a period of confusion when young people transition their norms and beliefs from their childhood thoughts to a more mature pattern. The idea smells like rat piss to me, however I’m admitting it is happening to me as well. Slowly I’ve let situations and people affect me and I’m slowly accepting that “ this is how it is supposed to be because that’s what people do”. What a horrific discovery! Despite this, I can’t help myself from thinking it’s very sad to let go of “childish” dreams.
I’m not talking about eating candy until you die kind of childish dreams, but you know those kinds of dreams that used to make sense to you when you were younger. Dreams like to live in a small cabin in the mountain for a year, move to Costa Rica to be a coconut collector whilst learning Spanish, become a Broadway dancer or becoming a hot hippie farmer blogger (ME, I wish). Then my indecisiveness hits again and I start asking myself: “ I’m I thinking those thoughts because I’m a millennial?
Is this a bad idea? Will I disappoint my parents? What about saving for pension? I don’t even know how saving for pension works! Should I rather find a job that could make me happy down the lane or should I have a job that makes me happy now?”.
My previous roommate was the most miserable person I’ve met in my whole life and a true inspiration of what I don’t want to become. Is it too much to ask to be passionate and curious about your job and life? There might not be a clear answer to this question, and more than anything it’s a very personal opinion.
Some might agree whilst others don’t. Unlike our grandparents we did not grow up in a society based on scarcity, rather the opposite. Our generation has a bewildering amount of options to choose from with equally bewildering pressure and confusion to choose the ‘right’ ones. Hence the Quarter-Life Crisis.
This is in contrast to the midlife crisis where people freak out because they realise that their options are shrinking. Please don’t think I’m complaining, as I know how blessed we are today, however I would also like to remind you guys of a where his studies show that, and that people who accept what they’ve got rather than trying to achieve greater, bigger, better things generally are. So maybe are all these options and making us more confused than good? Heaps young adults feel paralysed by all the options they have to choose from. As this isn’t enough, the crisis is fuelled by the decrease of security and loyalty in the work environment: “ We’re being squeezed on all fronts by student loans, uncertain job market and insane housing costs”. NY Times have also. All at the same time we are expected to have a blooming social life, travel the world, stay fit, not eat gluten, find a perfect mate, clean or MacBook Screen and have a thriving Instagram account.
No wonder we can’t breathe. So we have established that too many options can do more harm than good, however our own expectations also tend to be too high. Especially when it comes to romantic relationships. Today’s youth are expecting to have a partner that will last a lifetime while fulfilling all their deepest emotional, social and spiritual needs. Talked about this in her.
She suggests that we are asking too much of our spouses: We expect our partner to be our advisor, our best friend, our family member, our entertainer, our travel buddy and an erotic love machine. It would also be a bonus if he/she was rich. Maybe we are expecting a little bit too much? Just a thought Another experience that has shaped youth’s view of love and companionship is the divorce statistics of their parents. As generation’s marriages today’s young citizens are questioning the benefit of settling down, especially at a young age. There is also a trend for women to want to achieve a sense of financial and residential independence before settling down.
And again I can totally relate to this. Not that it’s happening at the moment, but I would really like it to. So here we are.
Trying to decide what jobs to go for, whether we are good enough or not, who to marry (if we every will marry), where to live and what to save for. Through my reading and own experiences I’ve found three ‘sins of death’ that will make your Quarter-Life Crisis worse for sure: • Social media • Rather than meeting in person, young people spend more time on social media which eventually means they spending more time alone than ever. This is a bit alarming as the number one indicator for happiness is your. While spending quality time with yourself can be a very rewarding thing, spending time in your phone envying others’ life is not that great of an idea. • Social media increases as you constantly see what cool stuff others are doing while you’re lying in bed feeling miserable. • Since social media is flooded with #FILTERS it does not reflect real life.
On social media every relationship is perfect, so is the hair, skin and the bank balance. Social media creates expectations that are too high which can lead to you losing out on an amazing relationship because you think normal behaviour such as to fight and disagree is abnormal. • Trying to control everything • Alright, so the only thing you have control over at the moment is your anal sphincter (which is not too bad. One day when you get really really old you might lose control over this one as well), but it is okay. Sometimes we just need to let everything go and believe that it is all going to be okay and that this is just a transition period which is taking you from one place to another. • Cynicism based on parents’ experiences • Okay, so a burnt child dreads the fire, however please keep in mind that what happened to your parents does not mean it has to happen to you.
Accept yourself as a separate individual with your own life, qualities and values. I’m not promising it won’t happen to you, I’m just saying that you shouldn’t be scared of believing in love based on the experience of your parents. Parents, or guardians, have a big influence in our life even if it’s not directly.
The more we understand about this concept, the easier it gets to separate yourself from previous experiences. I recommend reading about.
It has helped me a lot understanding my reaction patterns. At least now you know what not to do. And if it makes you feel any better: you are not alone. There are over 55,000 hashtags of on Instagram and for ‘quarterlifers’ that are in the same situation. There’s written AND about the topic. There’s even to see if you are having a Quarter-Life Crisis.
Whether you have a crisis or not, keep in mind that this period feels uncomfortable because it is a transition period meaning it takes you from one place to another. It won’t last forever. Use this period to get to know yourself better. Just like Oprah Winfrey and Echkart Tolle said when they were discussing Echart’s book «A New Eart» on Life is a journey and you should embrace every step of it. You should embrace that you don’t know the purpose yet. It’s okay to not know what do to.
Thrive in uncertainty. Then Oprah adds that being in you 20’s is all about trying to figure it out and make mistakes. Making mistakes is a beautiful thing because then you learn what’s not right for you. You can watch the whole clip from their conversation.
I went for a stroll in the streets of Bunbury whilst my boyfriend was in a meeting today and I came across the most amazing place: a creative space! I’m definitely not unfamiliar with the creative space concept, especially not after living in Canggu, Bali for a while, however I didn’t expect to stumble across one here in good old Bunno. No offence, people of Bunbury! So for those who are not familiar with the creative space concept it’s a co-space for creative individuals, often living a laptop lifestyle, where one can lease short term office space, work, learn, create and share knowledge. One can have art galleries in there, a pop up shop or just hire an office space. It’s an awesome concept for multiple reasons: • Lease is shared between several individuals = decrease the cost of operational and administrational activities. For those of us who have been in a start-up ourselves know the value of this!
• Creativity and inspiration overload! By having so many creative and talented individuals in one place you constantly get inspired and motivated. Just by having a random chat with your next-door office neighbour you are most likely to feel empowered and energised. There’s something about being surrounded by like-minded people that creates a synergy effect. • It’s social and it’s fun. Having lived a laptop lifestyle myself I do love being able to have an office day at home in my pyjamas, however I prefer having a desk and a cup of coffee in my hand. I feel like I get more organised and effective when I’m in a ‘proper’ office.
Having that said I don’t like being a caged animal by myself in a closed brick. Creative spaces are the opposite of this, which makes it so social and fun to ‘go to work’. Needless to say I was pretty stoked when I found that place.
Who would have known Bunbury is this cool? For those of you who are keen to learn more you can check out their website. Or have a look yourself And whilst you’re already in the area I would recommend to have a coffee at wonderful as well. This is the sign that caught my attention. «Creative spaces»? It was a cool entrance and I loved the industrial feel of the place. Creative, artistic and rough around the edges.
My favourite combination! They had several cool clothing brands, accessories and interior items. A section of the space was also dedicated as a photo studio which I’ll definitely have in mind for our upcoming clothing brand.
One of my favourites items at Maker+Co were the shoes: «Hey you! Watch your step».